My forgiveness year, continuing....

I don't want to fight with anyone.

I don't want to hate anyone.

I want the best for everyone.

I will be tough when I feel someone needs for me to be tough.

It isn't because I want to win, or put them down, or punish someone.

It's because I felt it was the right thing to do for them, not against them, and if it doesn't work out that it was for them it may work out that it was a protection for someone they were hurting.

I don't think we live in a world that understands that very often. Kindness is only seen as puffy clouds in the sky and smiling. The court system is not seen as a place to help people protect themselves from themselves, it's seen as a punishment. And part of that is it's own fault, for trying to punish instead of help. This is change that needs to happen in our world.

I believe all things are possible. I believe there is good in everyone. I believe sometimes we have to fight for good and not just get defeated by what seems to be an impossible task. I believe we sometimes have to suffer at the hands of others until they figure out that what they are doing was wrong.

I guess the short version is - I believe.

Nothing is accomplished in this world without first believing. I have had to start over many times. I don't cheat. if I lost, I figured out what I did wrong and try again. Sometimes losing appears to be winning and I don't accept that either. It's still cheating. My journey to be a better person is based on what I really accomplish, not what someone else may think is an accomplishment at the time.

I have multiple health issues that are aggravated by repetitive use. So to be as pain free as possible I don't have a set routine throughout the day and I do different physical things.

I always liked photography but I didn't put too much time into it because it cost money to get film developed. The digital age has changed all of that. Several years ago my brother-in-law gave me a nice little point and shoot camera that I started using regularly. We had planted flowers and planned out a garden of sorts in our back yard and I started spending time there with the camera. That went so well I invested in a better camera and a telephoto lens and plan my week so that I am outside taking pictures on a regular basis. Now I go to parks and other places in all kinds of weather. I am walking more and I ride a little bike that I got at a junk shop. I put the photographs on facebook and my website to share. I'm happy when people like them, which helps me have a more positive attitude.

While I'm at this, here are some photography tips from my experience:Never think you got the best picture (even if you did).

When photographing in nature, look all around. Up, down, left, right and look back from where you came. The light is completely different.

When working with people try to be as spontaneous as possible and think about backgrounds ahead of time. I got a great family picture once with trash cans in the background. All I needed to do was move a few inches one way or the other.

*Take the picture*. Don't wait until it's focused perfectly or whatever. It's digital now, no waste of film and you never know what might show up. I've planned on taking a picture of one thing and gotten something totally different that was great. That's all I can think of right now. 

I am so grateful that I am an artist and I have an outlet for creativity. I taught a drawing class once and reminded the class that the best part about creating something is the process, not necessarily the result. I think people get intimidated by results and don’t really get to enjoy the process. Creativity is an expression of me that connects me to the larger flow of the creative universe. I would hope that everyone would practice creativity in some form in their lives.

I took a self-publishing class and now have books and calendars available, which have been another creative outlet for me. This has been a real labor of love because of the time it takes for me to put things together due to health issues.

While the difficulties I go through are sometimes discouraging for me I would hope that I can be an inspiration for others who live with chronic pain. Stress relief is the best pain preventative and creativity is a great stress reliever.

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I was teaching one of my nephews to draw, he was about 9 at the time. His two little brothers were watching. I had placed a ball in front of us. I drew it first, showing him how to draw the shadows. When he started to draw I was talking about how the shadow formed, where the lightest part was, then the darkest. He was having some trouble figuring out how to recreate this on paper. All of a sudden one of his little brothers grabbed the ball and picked it up to show him where the shadow was. Of course the shadow was gone then and we all laughed.

My artwork has always been an exercise in reality for me. It has been a shelter in a world where I find so many different perceptions of reality much like my little nephew picking up the ball to show where the shadow was. I can trust what my eyes see. When I work on my drawings I constantly have to ask myself where the shadow is. To achieve realism I have to believe what I see. While I do this I find the beauty in the world around me. The drawings I choose are not just an exercise, they are a response to beauty and a reflection of the world I see. Shadows and light, expression in a face.

Reality for me is within my realm of experience. I believe we all have our own paths to follow with life experience and that they are custom made for us depending on our background. Who I am determines my art, not the experiences of others. The choices I make for subjects and materials reflects a desire in me to create, and it belongs to me. When we all make choices in life, they are ours and they are reflective of our past, as well as the present and future.

We are all artists in that we all have the ability to create, our creativity doesn’t have to be seen by others in the form of a finished work of art. Our lives are created by us. That is the canvas we all work from.